08/22/2010

Yes, I am still alive ;-) No, I didn’t have a writer’s block. I decided to take a sabbatical leave, that’s all. Who says only professors can take a sabbatical leave?

Let me take you back a couple of months… on May 15, I taught a class at Rochester Writer’s Festival. On May 16, we flew to Taiwan and stayed for a couple of weeks. On June 24, we chartered a new toastmaster club (a lot of works!!!) And I joined a couple of online writing groups last month.

Sometime I do feel that I am burning the candle at both ends. It’s better than not burning it at all, isn’t it?

So much to say, but it’s getting late – I feel that way a lot recently. Anyway, how about a couple of short short stories?

****************

A Maple Tree

A maple tree stands in the yard. All leaves have turned red except one. Sunshine warms the leaves. Raindrops wash their dust away. Day after day, the red leaves become redder. The green one stays green.

Then, the temperature starts dropping. One by one, red leaves fall to the ground.

**************

Ice Necklace

He presented her an ice necklace.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, her hand dancing across each irregular cube.

“Beautiful!” She repeated. “Where did you find it? It’s the best anniversary gift anyone could receive.”

She kissed him softly, and asked him to put it on for her. Her eyes were wet with joy.

His eyes were wet too, but more like sharks’. He knew she would be dead well before the ice had melted. His hand let go the knife in his pocket, and he gently placed the string around her neck.

A drop of water quietly fell to the ground.

*******************

Bubbles

Her mother gently blows at the center of a circled wire. Bubbles rushes out; each with a freeform rainbow on it.

She reaches out her small hand, breaking the bubbles and laughs.

In an adjacent room, her grandma looks up from her ironing and smiles.

5/1/2010

4/11/2010

My friend Christa wrote a review for my novel, Jin-Ling’s Two Left Feet. You can read it here.

We managed to donate $50 to Haiti earthquake victims. Thank you! Every dollar counts!

***

W and I attended my TM division speech contest event yesterday. I was surprised when he said he would go. Then, I realized that since the event was in Austin, it would give us another chance to play with GPS. W even found a nice restaurant for lunch.

There we were, going through a park, a residential area… (I think the GPS lady was confused.). Finally we had to ask someone to find the place. The restaurant sure looked nice. Unfortunately, it didn’t open for lunch on Saturday. And you think the GPS lady would warn us when we asked her to take us there!

The contest event went well, other than that it started 10 minutes late. Speakers were wonderful. Carrot cake was excellent ;-)

It’s more fun when you are not competing ;-)

4/4/2010

We visited New Ulm, a small town two hours away, yesterday. What drew us there? Well, it was one of closest cities that we hadn’t visited yet. And we just bought a GPS.

W and I are not kind of people who love gadgets. Life is good without them, so there is no need to spend the money and get frustrated in learning how to use them.

Two or three years ago when my family came to visit us, I took them to a Chinese grocery store in the city and got lost. My nephew did some finger tapping on his cell phone and managed to get us to the store. I was impressed. Although I still didn’t see a need to get a GPS for myself, I was convinced my daughter could use one.

To my surprise, my daughter refused my offer. She said if you started using a GPS, pretty soon you would forget how to read a map.

I haven’t mentioned GPS ever since.

Several months ago, we received a coupon from Radio Shack. W suggested getting a GPS.

Why not?

The salesman apparently knew what type of people we are. He emphasized that easy to use was one of the most important thing. Sadly, we agreed.

So, yesterday we drove to New Ulm so we could use the GPS. We tried every trick to trick the GPS lady, but failed miserably. She was always right. Well, almost. At one time, she told us to take a left exit, and it should be a right exit. Other than that, she was right every time.

It was an interesting experience. At first, I found her voice annoying. “Do you have to say the same thing 3 times?” I asked her, but she didn’t answer me. Then she became quiet after we got on the freeway that we had to stay on for an hour. “Hello, are you sleeping? Say something!” I demanded, but she ignored me. It was along drive and I got bored so I fell asleep. Then she suddenly made a noise and made me jump.

I still don’t know if I like Ms GPS or not.

03/28/2010

I finally got a haircut. One of my friends has advised me to go to a good hair salon. Well, when you don’t bother to make an appointment two weeks ahead, those expensive places just wouldn’t work. So, I went to Cost Cutters (inside of Wal-Mart) this afternoon. The waiting time was one hour, I was told. I then went to Great Clips (almost next door). Five to ten minutes— YES!

I thought the girl did a wonderful job. When I went home, I immediately showed W my new look. He frowned. He led me to the bathroom and gave me a mirror. “It’s terrible,” he said.

In the store, the girl had given me a mirror, asking me to look the front and back. My hair looked great in the store! What happened??? And this was not the first time!!! It always looks better at the salon!

* * *

Aging can be fun.

W was telling me a story the other day. Trying to show him that he had told me the same story before, I offered some story details from time to time.

He didn’t get the hint. He continued telling me the story.

Two minutes later, I was ready to tell him that I heard the story before. Then I realized that I didn’t remember the story ending. So, I let him tell me the story again.

03/21/2010

I was right – two days after losing our area speech contest, I felt perfectly fine and actually had a good laugh at all the mistakes I had made. (I am not going to list them here! Some are only for me to know. ;-)

When Sandra Bullock received the worst actress Razzie award, she said, “Thank you for ruining my career with a very bad decision.”

Watching her delivering that line, I instantly became her fan. She was witty and honest. I liked her style.

And here is how I really feel about winning or losing (any contest): you are the only judge that matters. You are a winner if you believe you are. (And ask yourself what does “being a winner” really means to you?)

David Bouchier told me, long time ago, that I should consider being my own mentor. I don’t remember if I had argued with him on that or not. It has worked well. And I think being your own judge is kind of following the same idea.

I am sitting here smiling, wondering if I want to tell you a secret or not. I do like to share what I’ve learned with everyone. But sometimes I wonder… shouldn’t I be a little selfish?

Okay. I’ve made up my mind… here it is… if you have a passion for doing something, even if you lose here or there, you will never become a loser.

* * *

I bought a banyan bonsai tree from Wal-Mart a year ago. A tree grows in a container, I mean.

I had taken a bonsai class once many years ago, and had bought some bonsai tools like a good pair of scissors.

One thing fun about bonsai is to shape the tree. You are the artist, and the tree is an art object.

I couldn’t wait to start working on the tree. But I looked all over and couldn’t find my scissors.

“It (the tree) can wait,” I said to myself.

Week after week, the tree grows any way it wants to. Week after week, I looked and still couldn’t find my scissors.

Before I know it, the tree becomes a part of me. Its freedom is far more important than its appearance.

By the same token, my hair appointment probably can wait a little longer. ;-)

* * *

I am making green onion pancakes tonight. Yes, the kind that Jin-Ling in my novel Jin-Ling’s Two Left Feet, was so hungry for. It’s one of my favorites.

Last time when I was craving for it, I fried some frozen ones. They didn’t taste the same. Even W complained about those.

Dad loved to make green onion pancakes. He took every step of making-the-pancake seriously.

I prefer a quick and easy way. Clearly, my taste buds are not very patient.

Speaking of my book, I am saving all the nice words people have said to me about the book. It’s my way of patting my back. (Thanks!)

03/14/2010

It’s a long post. I am trying to make up for those short ones ;-)

Speech Contest part 1

Our area speech contest happened last night, and I was placed last. I could see the smirk on your face. “She didn’t practice”, you think.

Well, you are “somewhat” right, but not 100%. There are more reasons for losing a speech contest than not practicing enough even though I admit not-practicing-enough does increase the chance of losing.

To give myself and my friend Ruth some credit, I did ask Ruth to read my speech and record it before the contest because I wanted to hear the tone. She did a great job. I’d listened the recording at least 20 times and loved the way she made it sound.

Like anything else, there are different stages for speakers (I mean someone interested in public speaking.) I am at the point that I enjoy connecting to the audience and I want to speak with passion, speak from my heart. I want the speech has its own life. And like any other life in this world, flaws are allowed.

But I didn’t achieve that. Not 100%.

We have two contests last night: International and Tall Tales. I was told long time ago that International contest would go first. I was the second speaker in the International contest. That means 10 minutes after the contest started, I would give my speech.

There I was, sitting there, waiting. In my mind, I was holding a bunch of balloons. Each one of them was packed with passion, energy, excitement. My hands were more than ready – 10 minutes later, I would let go those balloons.

I was shocked when I heard the toastmaster announced the first speaker’s name. Apparently they had changed their mind and Tall Tales would go first. That means I would be 7th speaker instead of 2nd. I was confused.

One by one, balloons slipped away.

By the time it was my turn, I probably only had 2 balloons left. I didn’t win. More importantly, I failed -- I didn’t deliver the speech as I’d planned. (However, I did manage to connect to a handful of people ;-)

It’s my own fault. The contest flier was sent to us several times – it probably had information about this in it, but I didn’t bother to check. Even when I arrived at the contest, got a program in my hand, I didn’t check. I knew how those programs looked like. I didn’t think I would get any new information in it. Surprise… Surprise…

Lesson learned: always check the order of the contests, even if you are so sure that you know. It’s better to be 100% sure than sorry.

And, yes, I should practice more. I am not denying that.

Speech Contest part 2

Being the last is not a cheerful thing, I admit. It didn’t hurt. The emotion has more to do with embarrassment (this may have something to do with my Chinese gene). Some people came and told me that I did a great job. I saw the hidden pity in their eyes (maybe it was actually in my eyes). Some wanted to comfort me, but they didn’t know if they should – they don’t want to make me feel worse, they thought. Still, there are some truly believed that I had done my best – I appreciate those the best.

Relax, would you? Whatever the feeling I feel now (it may not be as strong as you thought) will fade away soon. The lesson I learned, however, will stay with me forever. That’s why I entered the contest – I’d learned more from speech contest than our weekly toastmaster meetings.

Feeling embarrassed – it’s just a small price to pay. I am more ready for my next speech than ever. I will hold more balloons in my hands for sure. I am ready.

Speech Contest part 3

When I started writing my speech, I have two things in my mind. I wanted to talk about how Karin (my sister), Shao (my brother) and I found out, after Dad passed away, that each of us had thought he or she was Dad’s favorite child. And I wanted to talk about once Karin commented that how fairly I had treated my nieces and nephews. That’s was it. I didn’t know how the speech would go; I didn’t know what the message in my speech was if there was any. I definitely had no clue why each of Dad’s children thought he or she was Dad’s favorite child.

I revised my speech many times: changed the opening, changed the message, and changed the stories… I didn’t know why – I just wasn’t satisfied with the speech.

The speech has its own life, let me tell you. Some time, I had this weird feeling that I wasn’t the one who was writing it. I wanted to get it done! It just kept changing!

Then it happened. I saw the light. At the end, I had a speech I liked; I know more about love; I understood how Dad loved us.

Wow! I thought I was just writing a speech!

This experience brought back a piece of memory. When I was in junior high, one day in class, my friend Tsai passed a note to me. (We often passed notes to each other during classes when teachers were not watching.) In her note, she asked what I wanted to do with my life.

At first, I thought it was a joke. Tsai said she wasn’t joking. As a person who always took things seriously, I thought for near 5 minutes before I answered it.

I wrote: “I think we all come to this world with a purpose. My guess is my purpose is to find out what love is and then tell others.”

As a teenager, I was allowed to dream big and say things that might have very little meanings. I remember giving a lot of thoughts before I answered her question, but I don’t remember if I was 100% serious.

Tsai’s nest note came with a new piece of paper. “Wow. I like it. I am going to keep your note and check with you 50 years later,” she said.

I was kind of surprised that she was impressed. That was one of few times that someone was impressed with what I said ;-)

What’s so difficult to understand love, you may ask. Well… my dad was working in a different town and he only came home 3 (or 4?) days a month. My mom was exhausted for taking care of 5 kids (or 4? Since my elder brother was in college...) My parents loved each other and they loved us, but they showed their love in an old fashioned Chinese way – very subtle. And I am the kind of person that I need to see a clear picture to understand.

I had asked people what love was. You may want to try this sometime ;-) Most of the people couldn’t answer it. The one who did answer usually said something that didn’t make sense to me.

What I am trying to tell you is sometime if you take a chance (risk?) you may end up getting something great back. If I didn’t enter the contest, I wouldn’t acquire this new knowledge about love. I am so happy that I did.

Speech Contest part 4

Here is my speech. Hope you enjoy it.

Money, Love, and Dad

I heard a story once where a mother told each of her three sons that he was her favorite child and she loved him with all of her heart. Is it possible for anyone to love more than one person with all of his heart? Isn’t love like money in the pocket - that once you spent all of it on one person, then you wouldn’t have any left for anybody else?

Mr. Toastmaster, ….

At Dad’s funeral service, in the middle of delivering her eulogy, my sister Karin blurted out, “I was dad’s favorite child.”

That’s impossible. Because Dad’s favorite child was ME. Sitting in the front row, I shook my head wildly, letting her know I didn’t agree. My brother Shao tried to calm me down.

Karin looked at me and said, “Helen. I know you don’t like to hear this, but it’s true. Dad took me to his Chinese opera club every week, and each time he bought me candy.”

I know Dad liked all of us. But Karin -- the FAVORITE child?

Wait a second! Dad quit Chinese opera club after we moved to Taiwan. That’s it! Karin must have been Dad’s favorite child before I was born. I could accept that.

After Dad’s funeral, my brother Shao and I visited each other often. One day, I bragged about many bottles of Dad’s favorite Chinese liquor I had bought for him. Shao grinned. “I know. Dad shared them with me.” Then, slowly, he continued, “You know… I was Dad’s favorite child, not Karin.”

He was serious! I immediately called Karin and told her what Shao had said. Karin laughed. “He’s wrong!” She said. “Both of you are wrong,” she added.

What happened? Each of us was so sure that he or she was Dad’s favorite child. Who was right?

I remember the day Dad took me to college when I was a freshman. In the dormitory, he gently placed my clothes into the chest of drawers. I can still see him bending down to reach the lower drawer and saying, “Mom and Dad aren’t going to be here with you. You have to take care of yourself. ”

My dad loved me; I knew it and felt it. I would prove to Karin and Shao that I was Dad’s special child!

When I got home, I took Dad’s letters out of the box, and read all of them. In one letter Dad talked about how much joy Shao’s daughter had brought to the family. In another letter, Dad told me that in Taiwan most of the girls at my age were married and had kids. “Talk to your mom if you have any question,” he said, like Mom would know how to find a nice guy in Minnesota. His letters were filled with love. But never once had he mentioned who his favorite child was. Oh well, I knew the truth. I didn’t have to prove to anyone.

Many years later, while visiting Karin, I saw my nieces Joan and Cindy come to me.

“Aunt Helen, who do you like better, Cindy or me?” Joan asked.

I smiled nervously. Each of my nieces and nephews is different, and my feeling toward each of them is slightly different too. Who do I like better? Is it possible to divide love equally like how we divide money?

“Help me,” I said to Karin.

“Not this time.” She took one step back.

I wasn’t going to lie to Joan. I searched deep inside of my brain, my heart and my soul to find the truth. A moment later, I got it.

I held Joan and Cindy’s hands and said to them, “I don’t love you the same way, but I don’t love one less. Both of you are my favorite, just like both Karin, and I were Grandpa’s favorite.”

Three of them beamed at me. I silently thanked that mother who had three favorite sons and my Dad. At last, I know what love is.

Love isn’t like money. No one has an unlimited amount of money, but everyone can have endless love. Love isn’t like money. You can’t use up the love you have received. Love isn’t like money. The more love you give, the more you’ll have.

Give the gift of love. Give. Then give more!

03/07/2010

Practice makes perfect -- a statement, which I believe very much. But I don’t like practicing. I know our area speech contest is coming soon and I know I will represent our club 10 days ago, but no matter what I’ve tried, I just couldn’t make myself practice. Not even once.

W has been mad at me many times for not practicing my golf swing before hitting the ball. I usually do a little calculation in my head – the slope, the height of the grass… etc., and then I swing. He, on the other hand, would practice three or four times before every shot.

“Do you know the number of swings you have for 18 holes is enough to play 72 holes?” I asked him one day.

He rolled his eyes.

Seriously, I know I need to practice and I probably will… not today though. ;-)

* * *

Winnipeg Library has decided to add Jin-Ling’s Two Left Feet into its collection. I am thrilled. Some of you may know that I had won three awards from Winnipeg Free Press/Writers’ Collective Writing Contests. Those awards encouraged me. Winnipeg is a special place!

I would like to use this opportunity to thank everyone who has bought my book and those who have told me how much they enjoyed reading it. I didn’t sell 1000 copies. Not 500. Not even 250. (Not yet!) But I am totally satisfied. You are wonderful to me!

Many years ago, I told my mom I wanted to publish a book before I die. I still remember the way she looked at me – she knew it wasn’t an easy task and she wanted to help me, but she didn’t know how. Later, I asked her to record her own life story for me and I told her I might be able to use her story in my story. Mom was happy. Not because she wanted people to read her story, but because she really wanted to help me.

I am satisfied. I know Mom would be too.

* * *

Oscar night, for me, is the night to dream of writing a great screenplay. I’m still dreaming...

2/28/2010

I could hear the noise coming from north. Canada won men’s hockey game! Well, I would prefer U.S. team to win, but I don’t mind losing it to Canada. Canada is a great country! Come to think of it, many other countries are great too. I think I have changed a little… I was so happy that U.S. team had won the men’s four-men-bobsleigh. When one German member clapped his hand for U.S. team at the award ceremony, I was touched. He apparently knew how much that gold meant to us. And I know how much winning the hockey game means to Canadians, so I am happy for them.

I haven’t talked about my book sale for a while. The truth is I haven’t done too much work on selling it. ;-( I guess that’s why one advice writers often get is: Do not quit your day time job. ;-)

For some reason, I suddenly have an interest in writing something in Chinese. I would like to write about my experience of going back to Taiwan the first time after 30 years. Good thing I’d taken notes ;-)

I revised my speech and entered the International Speech Contest in my other toastmaster’s club, and I won. The best part of this experience has nothing to do with winning. The best part is figuring out what I had done wrong last time and being able to fix it. I feel good about that.

There is so much to blog about, but I have to watch this TV show now…

2/21/2010

Every spring, Toastmaster has two speech contests: International Speech Contest and Tall Tails. I wasn’t planning on signing up any, but ended up signing up both. It’s an opportunity to grow, as one toastmaster (Bob) said.

I had two goals: (1) survive giving two speeches in a day. (2) complete one silly act during my tall tales speech. I’d never intentionally acted silly in the public. Even thinking of it makes me feel embarrassed. But I was in a goofy mood…

Well, our club contest was on last Thursday. I didn’t win, but I had accomplished both of my goals, so I was very happy.

One speech I was giving had something to do with how every one of my sister Karin, my brother Shao and I thought he or she was Dad’s favorite child. (I had blogged about this several years ago.) When I first wrote the speech, even though I knew what I wanted to speak about, I didn’t really have a message. I thought the incident (that everybody thought he was Dad’s favorite) was interesting, that was all. But as the days went on, as I was rewriting the speech over and over, it finally hit me – I understood Dad’s love for each of his children now.

Tonight, I read one of Dad’s letters that he wrote to me 30 years ago (Dad was in Taiwan at the time; I was in Minnesota and Mom and Krin were in Washington D.C.) He talked about how Shao’s daughter brought joy to the family; he said Christmas was coming and soon I would be able to see my mother. It was so clear that he loved all of us.

I miss my dad.

* * *

Great hockey game, eh?

I am so glad we don’t have Olympics every week. I can’t get anything done these two weeks…

2/7/2010

Super Bowl night. How many of you have the feeling that whichever team you were rooting for always ended up losing?

I had noticed this scenario long time ago. I tried to tell myself that it was good for me because it would teach me to be humble. That didn’t work. I tried to keep neutral. If I couldn’t stay neutral, I tried not to show how I really felt.

Well, nothing had worked! I was disappointed!

Congratulation to the New Orleans Saints. (There is always next year…)

* * *

I watched Hallmark Hall of Fame movie Front of the Class last night. It’s a true story of Brad Cohen, who has tourette syndrome and yet has become a gifted teacher. It brought tears to my eyes a couple of times.

I took bus to work most of the days. When I was late, I had to take a later bus, which would go through several extra blocks so I didn’t like it very much. In that later bus, there was a guy who was always busy pointing at things. He didn’t talk much, just pointed here and there constantly. He smiled at you when you got on the bus. People smiled back, but usually no one would sit next to him.

To be fair, most of us didn’t know the proper way to communicate to him. We didn’t know if he would understand what we said.

We need more movies like Front of the Class. We need to be educated.

1/31/2010

Several of my friends had gone to the same Prairie Home Companion show a week ago, and they all liked it. Now you have heard both sides of opinions. (I try to be fair, as you can see.)

Garrison is quite talented. I enjoy listening to him in the radio. That’s why we bought the tickets to see his show. The show started with Garrison sang a duet with a lady. A short while after they started singing, they walked down the stage toward the audience. That was a nice and warm thing to do, I thought.

They kept walking, and soon they were out of the spot light and the camera range. For those who weren’t sitting at the right place including us, we could hear they sing, but we couldn’t see them. I should stay home listening to the radio, I thought to myself.

I commented to my friends that a lot of the time I could only see Garrison’s back (For some reason, he faced his band often, so we could only see his back.) One of my friends asked me: didn’t you know it was a radio show? Of course, I know. But since they are selling tickets, I would think they will treat audience like regular audience. (Now I know better.)

On our way home, W and I agreed that we were lucky that all those expensive tickets were sold out before we got ours.

* * *

Have you bought your iPad yet?

Toys are getting more and more expensive. I remember asking Mom for a marble that had some colorful design in the center. Let’s see… one iPad can buy… many marbles.

I told W I wanted an iPad. He said sure.

“Are you crazy?” I said. “When would I have time to play with it?”

Come to think of it, it would be nice to have a marble that has a computer chip inside. If I have one, I would gather all my siblings and neighbor’s kids to have another marble game. And this time, I will win.

* * *

Inspired by the movie Julie and Julia, one writer began a blog to write a novel. Very interesting. You can read his novel here: http://coffeeandanovel.blogspot.com/

I am still thinking about it.

1/24/2010

I watched Minnesota Vikings’ game last night -- disappointed. ;-(

I went to A Prairie Home Companion show last Saturday -- disappointed.

Snow was beautiful a week ago -- not disappointed.

The Stride Rite, where we bought many shoes for our daughter many years ago, is still there – not disappointed.

1/17/2010

Chinese Buffet

W and I went to the city to try a new Chinese restaurant for their buffet. From our seat, we could see all the food. One of the dishes was stir fried squid with vegetables. At first, I thought it was a vegetarian dish, since I only saw vegetables in it. Then under zucchinis and carrots, I spotted a piece of squid. They don’t give you a lot of squids, I thought.

A couple of minutes later, one worker fill the pan with more stir fried squid with vegetables. I saw customers, one after the other, stand in front of that dish patiently fishing the squid out. One man piled his plate with squids and then he called his wife to get more squids. That’s why I didn’t see too many squids, I thought.

I had never enjoyed eating buffet before. Now I had another reason to dislike it – it showed the not-so-good side of us.

Visiting Helen

I went to see Helen. Ann was visiting her mom, and I thought I would stop by.

Helen looked like my friend’s mother today. Last time I visited her by myself, she was kind, but distant. This time, she was right there, I could tell. She seemed trusting me a little more this time. When Ann left the room, she asked me where Ann went. I told her Ann would be right back, and she seemed okay with that.

I liked listening to they talk. Polish – I didn’t understand a word, but it sure sounded good.

When we left, Helen insisted walking to the door with Ann. The very first time I went to see her with Ann, Helen did the same thing. I was deeply moved then; I was deeply moved now.

Haiti

Thoughts and prayers go to Haitian people. It’s hard to imagine their lives. I try to picture myself there and I become terrified.

1/10/2010

Visiting Helen (another Helen)

Last week my friend had a cold and asked me if I could visit her mother, Helen, at an assisted living home near my home. I said yes.

I had meant to visit Helen since she moved to this new place. It’s only three minutes from my home; for sure I could find time to visit her, I thought. Well, I almost made it one time. I arrived at the parking lot but I forgot to bring the phone number (to announce my arrival – I though I had to do that.) And that was the only time I was near the building.

I was well prepared this time. Phone number, lock number, and room number… were all written down on a piece of paper. I even brought my Macbook so I could show her some Polish songs on YouTube.

I punched the lock number. Nothing happened. My friend told me only open the door after you hear a click sound, which means the door was unlocked. I didn’t hear any sound, but it was so cold. I tried to open the door anyway and couldn’t. How does the lock work? Can I start all over? Is there any re-start key that I need to punch first?

Well, I tried two more times and couldn’t get the door open. I knocked and no one came. The Macbook became heavier and heavier; I was afraid of dropping it. I was cold; my hands were useless. Finally I fished out my phone in my pocket and made a phone call telling the worker I was at the door. “Please open the door for me,” I pleaded.

“The main door isn’t working. You have to use the side door,” she said.

I couldn’t detect any sympathy in her voice. Does she know how cold it is? I asked her where the side door was. She told me I would see it if I kept walking.

I walked another 10 feet, punched the code, and I still couldn’t open the door. I tried it again; it worked this time except the alarm was activated. I shrugged at the person who came to investigate, not in a mood to apologize after standing in the cold for 5 minutes, asking her where I could find Helen.

We found Helen sitting in a corner in the living room far away from TV, watching TV. There were 10 people in the room. Most of them sat there staring at the ground. Even their hair didn’t move a bit.

“You have a visitor,” the lady told her.

She looked up, her expression said, “You must have made a mistake.”

“Remember me?” I asked. “I visited you once with your daughter before you moved to here.”

She didn’t recognize me. I asked her if we could move to a different room so I could show her something on my laptop. She rather watched TV. I pulled a chair and sat next to her.

“Someone stole my blanket and my good shoes. I am cold,” she said.

One lady in one online writing group had written about her mother who has Alzheimer disease. She said her mother always claimed that someone had stolen her purse.

I asked Helen if she wanted me to get a blanket for her. She said no. Thirty seconds later, she told me, again, her good shoes were missing. I told her I would look for them for her. She glanced at the TV for one second and repeated what she said about her shoes one more time. I told her again that I would find them for her.

I hurried to find a wireless Internet connection, but failed. Great!

“How far do you live?” she asked.

“Three minutes from here. Not too far,” I said.

This went on for five times. Each time I answered it as if I only heard it once. Then she moved on to the next question: how far does it take for me to go to work, and that was repeated for four times. Then three times for where my husband works.

I wondered how her mind was working. Each question was repeated 3 to 5 times; but I noticed that after that 3 to 5 times, she didn’t ask the same question again. She looked kind, and I felt as if I was talking to any of my friend’s mom.

I was surprised at how patient I was. Answering the same question 5 times didn’t seem bothering me at all. But wait, how come I always got angry when W asked me the same thing twice? (I promised to be more patient to W!)

Not sure if my English with Chinese accent was hard for her to understand or I bored her to death, when I asked her a question, there always a couple of seconds delay before she answered it. And her answer was always as short as it could be. However, when I asked her how to say “How are you” in Polish, she answered it instantly. She looked sharp and proud.

Although she was nice to me, she didn’t smile until I mentioned her daughter’s name. She loves her daughter as much as I love mine, I thought to myself. In my mind, I pictured myself to be like her – one day maybe I, too, wouldn’t remember anything but my daughter’s name.

Someone announced it was time for snack. One by one, workers assisted each resident to the dining table. Helen watched for a while. Then suddenly she got up, grabbed the walker and went joining the group. I asked her if she needed help. She gave me a look as if I had hurt her pride.

I watched her sitting there drinking coffee. I watched her anxiously look at the person on her right and then left. Her eyes said "talk too me", but she didn’t make a sound.

I knew how she felt. Being shy was no fun. Otherwise I probably would visit her sooner.

1/2/2010

I forgot to show you the pear salad and the cake we had for Christmas Eve…

1/1/2010

Happy New Year! 2010! Hope we’ll all have a healthy and happy 2010!

Our daughter came home for Christmas. After we picked her up from the airport, on our way home she suddenly shouted, “Snow!”

“So?” we asked.

“I miss the snow! It’s so pretty!”

I smiled. I liked the snow too, but since I wasn’t the one who shoveled the snow, I thought I better remained silent.

* * *

I took a week off from work. Cleaning my room was top item on my to-do list. I managed to get rid of 2 bags of clothes, and some books. And I finally replaced the old PC, which I hadn’t used for more than 2 years with the newer one that was in the basement. Good start, I guess.

Why do people keep useless things around? W had bugged me many times to get rid of my old PC. Every time we ended up having a huge argument. Deep down I knew he was right, but, for me, it was very hard to throw anything that was still working away.

But I did make some progress! And I need three more weeks.

* * *

“What do you want for Christmas?” my niece asked me one day and later my daughter asked me the same question.

I tried hard to come up with something, but failed.

My niece ended up mailing us a bottle of wine – excellent one! My daughter gave me some new wine glasses. They must have consulted each other!

It was the day after the Christmas that I remembered that I could use a magnifying glass. As soon as the idea came to my mind, I paused – wasn’t it just yesterday that my sister Karin had bought a magnifying glass for my dad? Dad used it a lot. Back then, I thought it was a toy for Dad to play with; I didn’t realize it was a real tool! Now I know.

* * *

In 2010, I like to write more and exercise more. And I like to finish cleaning my room.

True, my past New Year’s resolution had never lasted more than 2 months. But it did last for 2 months, didn’t it? My conclusion is: having a New Year’s resolution is better than not having one.

Happy New Year! (Let me know your New Year’s Resolution, would you please? ;-)

Dec. 20, 2009

Merry Christmas to all of you!

* * *

I had one of those ah-ha moments last week. For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why time goes faster and faster as I grow older and older. It finally dawns on me that time doesn’t really go faster; it’s I who has become slower and slower.

* * *

For several years in the past, after I started receiving flu shots, I got sick once a year. Usually it was during the month right before the next flu shot was given. This year I didn’t get sick. I thought maybe it was because I had washed my hands more often, or I had eaten healthier food, or… Anyway, I was glad – who liked to be sick?

Well, I should have known that 2009 was not over yet. Last Friday, I began having running nose. Saturday, I stayed in bed the whole day.

One thing good about getting sick is that you would have a chance to get plenty of sleep. Come to think of it, I always get sick when I need more sleep. It almost seems like someone up there knows I haven’t had enough sleep, so he orders some flu-bugs for me to force me sleep.

It works. When I finally wake up, it’s Sunday afternoon. I know I only have limited energy, so I quickly finish my lunch and go to stores to pick up a couple of things.

First stop is Target – the thing I look for is all sold out. (Of course, I am not going to list it here… it’s Santa’s surprise!) Great! I’m tired already. Where do I park the car anyway?

Don’t panic! Retract each step… Here is the door I entered, and I crossed the road from there… Okay, find the car. Should I go home now? Nah.

Next stop is a golf shop at Miracle Mile shopping mall. The salesman in a downtown store recommended it. I circle the parking lot twice; no golf shop in sight. Great!

I remember there is one near Best Buy. It’s on my way home anyway.

Again, I look around; the shop is gone.

Don’t tell me – I am having a nightmare, I know. I am going home now!

(Still, I’m ready for Christmas! ;-)

Dec. 13, 2009

I can’t help but sitting here chuckling. It used to be if I had something I wanted to blog about, even if the idea only came to me once, I would remember what it was and write it out whenever I was ready to blog. Clearly those good old days are gone. Now I sit here and I think: there was something I wanted to tell you, but what???

I have done a little bit soul searching lately, trying to figure out life, this world, and other stuff. Then I realize I know so little about everything!

I went to Taiwan on Nov. 10 and came back on Nov. 20. I had a great time. Now thinking back, I wonder if it had a lot to do with how my friends took such a good care of me. It was nice that I didn’t have to do anything, but enjoying the moment. (My friends are super, that’s for sure!)

One day when I was in Taiwan, my friends took me to Green Lake. First we bought a bag of roasted chestnuts. Then we walked over the bridge, sat in a tea shop, drinking tea, eating chestnut, and watching boats, people and the lake. The place was beautiful; I felt so relaxed; I didn’t want to leave. That was probably the first time I thought I might move back…

Dec. 6, 2009

First, a nice holiday picture ;-)

***

Author Visit Program

Our local library was so nice to give me a chance to talk about my book – the event was on Dec. 2. More than 40 people had shown up and I sold 17 books. $50 was donated to the Friends of the Library Organization!

Other than few co-workers, 1/3 of that 40+ people are writers; 1/3 are Chinese; and 1/3 are toastmasters. I appreciate every one of them. Come to think of it – those numbers present me well. I have a full time job; I am a toastmaster; I am a writer; and I am Chinese.

It’s hard to predict how many people would come to your book reading/signing event. “Prepare for the worst,” experienced authors said. “It’s possible that only one person shows up,” they added.

I had prepared for the worst. When I recited my speech, in my head, I saw one audience sit in a huge emptied room. I practiced to keep a smile on my face. I practiced to be as enthusiasm as I was delivering the speech to 100 people.

But it was so nice to see so many people there!

Later, when I attended my toastmaster’s meeting, I told Bob I was surprised to see so many toastmasters come to the event.

“That’s the way I like toastmaster clubs to be,” he said, “We improve our public speaking skills, and we support each other.”

His words moved me.

***

Taiwan

I don’t like to spend time fixing my hair. Once I get a haircut, I usually let my hair grow as long as I can before visiting the beauty salon (cost cutter, that is) again. However, I did want to look nicer when I went back to Taiwan. Getting my hair done was on my to-do list, but, as always, it got pushed down.

Apparently, the way I looked had bothered several of my friends. I was rushed to a beauty salon soon after I had arrived Taiwan. On our way to the beauty salon, my friend Jeanne stopped at a fruit stand and bought some bananas, oranges, and a watermelon. She told the owner that she would pick them up (and pay her) on our way back.

We ended up spending more than 3 hours in the beauty salon – shoulder massage, head massage, washing, shining, cutting, drying… When I walked out of the store, my head hurt (from massage), my shoulder hurt (from massage), but my hair looked beautiful!

Well, I admit… I felt like a star. I promised myself that I would start paying attention to my hair even though I knew from the bottom of my heart that this promise would only last for 1 day.

As we walked by the fruit stand, we saw it was closed. “It’s okay. I’ll pick them up tomorrow,” Jeanne said. When we arrived home, however, we found out that the fruit stand owner had already delivered those fruits to the house. And Jeanne hadn’t paid her yet!!!

That brought back some of my childhood memory. Dad’s salary wasn’t much. Toward the end of the month, Mom always “borrowed” stuffs like cooking oil, soy sauce… from a local grocery store, and only when she received Dad’s next pay check, she would pay the grocery owner back.

Once, Mom asked me to go to the store to “borrow” some cooking oil. I felt embarrassed, didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want Mom know how I really felt. I paced in front of the store for a while before finally stepped in, and nervously told the lady why I was there. She smiled. She filled the bottle up and gave me a piece of candy.

If Mrs. Lee is still alive, she is probably 80. Wherever she is, I want to thank her.

Nov. 30, 2009

I can’t believe that I couldn’t find time to blog last weekend. I had 4 days! I blame my daughter, of course. She doesn’t come home often, so she gets 100% of our attention when she’s home. (I know this is true for many families.)

David Fingerman wrote a book review for my book. You can read it here:
David Fingerman's Book Review: Jin-Ling's Two Left Feet

(Do you know that David will have two books coming out in 2010?)

Well, I will stop here ;-( I’ll write more before the week ends – I promise.

Nov. 24, 2009

W and I delivered a $200 check to Channel One Food Bank today. Thank you! I heard they could use some donation, and thanks to you -- we did it!

I was in Taiwan for two weeks and had a lot of fun. I have a lot of pictures to show you ;-)

This sign was hung in one public restroom. In case you can't read it -- it says: Anti sexual harassment.



This is a medium size drink, folks.










Are these real cakes? Think again!

Nov. 2, 2009

I was in Hawaii a week ago to attend a project meeting. As a shy person, I used to find these meetings quite intimidating. Even social hours weren’t enjoyable. Now that I have gotten to know most of the people, I was very happy to see them all. Suddenly, I realized how much I’d missed them -- a great bunch of people!

Being shy is no fun. You feel like your hands are tied behind your back. ALL THE TIME! You learn to be brave. You learn to cope. Then you publish a book, and find out you have to sell it somehow.

Life is interesting, isn’t it? Even a shy person may end up having an interesting life!

Hawaii was nice even though it was hot and somewhat humid. One day, I called home to complain about the heat. Before I could open my mouth, W told me we had 3 inches of snow on the ground. I immediately walked out of the building -- I didn’t mind the heat anymore.

What I really want to tell you is a story about a special friendship. A couple of years ago, I was introduced to a woman writer, Feng, who lives in Hawaii. We started emailing each other. Feng is a caring person. When I was too busy to reply, she would wait for a while and then wrote to me asking how I was doing. She writes extremely well—I enjoyed reading every one of her stories. She’s way too generous – she would share any valuable information like her agent name with me.

I was excited to meet Feng, but I wasn’t sure how long that excitement would last. After all, I am a quiet person who is still somewhat shy.

I was busy window shopping while waiting for her. When I saw someone looked like her riding the escalator up, I was 30 feet away. I hurried to upstairs. She was 20 feet ahead of me. Suddenly she turned around. The moment she saw me, she waved.

How can she be so sure it’s me? I think to myself. Yes, we have seen each other’s picture, but pictures don’t tell the whole story, does it? Many years ago, when I visited China, I mailed my picture to my cousin, and he still failed to recognize me at the airport. The way Feng waved made me feel good.

If there was any awkward moment when we met, I didn’t detect it. I felt I had known her for a long time. Strange, but true.

She took me to shop and sightsee the next day. I enjoyed every second of it. Other than being with my sisters, I had never talked that much. ;-) Can’t wait to see her again.

Oct. 29, 2009

I'll let the picture do the talking ;-)

Oct. 18, 2009

YES! My book is in Amazon and Barnes & Noble online stores now. It only took 4 months, but it sure felt like 4 years. The publisher failed to inform me that my book was in those stores; I accidentally found out about this myself – I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I am excited and, at the same time, a bit sad. According to Amazon, the book was published on Oct. 1. This means I missed witnessing the birth of my child!!!

Dreams do come true. In my case, a lot of people have helped. I remember asking Emelda to read my very first story. Although it had many English mistakes, Emelda told me she liked it and encouraged me to keep writing. She could have killed my dream then by telling me how terrible my story was, and I would listen to her. But she made me believed that I could write.

A couple of years later, I took an essay writing class at Iowa Summer Writing Workshop. David Bouchier was my instructor. David told me I was a gifted storyteller. I wondered if there was a real message behind his statement. Was he trying to tell me that I was a lousy essay writer?

At the same time, I was amazed at how well other students wrote. I had a suspension that Emelda hadn’t told me the truth. I thought of quitting.

Three years later, I decided to get a professional opinion. A friend introduced Bill Johnson to me. I asked him if he would critique one of my stories. He said yes.

Not wanting to pay a huge coach fee, when I called Bill to discuss my story, I was well prepared. I asked him one question after the other, didn’t bother to breathe in between. Bill finally stopped me. “Relax,” he said, and then continued, “I like your story a lot, so I’m not going to charge you any fee.”

Bill could have killed my dream, too. But he encouraged me.

I’m blessed.

Oct. 4, 2009

I competed in the Toastmasters Southern Division Humorous Speech Contest last night. I didn’t win, but I felt great.

All my past experiences told me not-winning hurt. Even when I knew I didn’t stand a chance and didn’t expect winning, losing still embarrassed me. This time, however, it was totally different. Why? I wonder.

I considered entering our club contest 10 days before the contest day. It took me one day to write the speech and one more day to revise it. A week before the contest day, I official signed up. When I found out the only other person who was in the contest was Bob, I was thrilled. Bob is one of the best speakers in this area, in my opinion. Competing in the same contest with Bob was a great honor. Losing the contest to no one but Bob was just as good as winning. And since we had only two people competing, I was guaranteed to have the second prize as long as I didn’t talk more then 7 minute and 30 second.

But I didn’t want to lose badly. If Bob got a perfect score of 10, my goal was to get an 8. I remember one of my writing friends, Kirsten, was a speech coach before, so I contacted her to see if she could help.

Two days before the contest, I met Kirsten, and we went through my speech a couple of times. I learned how to make my speech “sound” better. She also corrected some of my pronunciation. When we were done, she asked me if I wanted to meet again on the next day. Even though I still had so much to learn like gestures, face expressions… etc. I decided to stay home and focus on the voice. I figured I might be able to get a 7, which was close enough to my goal.

I was stunned when I found out I had won our club contest. The winner had to represent our club to compete in our area contest. I signed up for one contest and ended up I had to compete twice! This unexpected winning threw me off my track. I was totally confused and didn’t know how I should feel. But the encouragement I received from other club members sure made me feel good.

Three days later, I finally was able to embrace the winning news. My previous goal was no longer valid. I needed a new one quick, and decided to use this opportunity to learn. I determined to learn as much as I could and do my best.

I am very lucky that we have two best speaking coaches in our club. With George and Bob’s help, I’d improved my gestures; I learned how to move around purposely; I felt more confident that I no longer afraid of eye contact. I also revised my speech a couple of times – new and better opening and stronger ending.

I was happy when I won the area contest. I was happy for our club. I knew more than anyone else that this wonderful club deserved it!

Last night, I represented our area to compete in the Toastmasters Southern Division Humorous Speech Contest. When I was on the stage, I could tell audiences were entertained. I delivered my best speech. I didn’t win, but I was totally satisfied.

(Bob won our division's evaluation contest. Yeah! ;-)

Sept. 27, 2009

I saw Vicki last Thursday at our Healthy Living Center, and she told me she was going to Cranberry Festival the next day.

“It’s next weekend, not this weekend,” I said. I had checked the schedule, so I knew.

She told me it was this weekend. She sounded so sure. I was puzzled.

It turned out there are more than one cranberry festival in Wisconsin. I was talking about the one in Eagle River, and she was talking about the one in Warrens. Since Warrens is much closer, W and I decided to drive there on Sat.

People! Lots of people! I wanted some cranberry ice cream, but the waiting line was too long. Since our main goal was taking pictures, we didn’t want to get our hands dirty, so forget about the grilled turkey legs. We walked up and down the street. Finally, we found a sign saying “Food in the Basement.” We immediately entered the building.

It turned out to be a nice church. On the main floor, there was a service going on and in the basement, they sold some simple sandwich and drinks. People were nice; the place was clean; W said it was the best BBQ beef sandwich he had ever had.

To be honest, one of the reasons we were looking for a restaurant instead of buying lunch on the street was to use its restroom. On the bathroom door, it hangs a sign saying “Please flush the toilet twice.”

“Why?” I asked one of the ladies.

“This is a 100 year old building. It takes two flushes to clean the pipe,” she said.

I wonder how they figured that out.

The thing that attracted us the most, of course, was marsh tour. Tours run from 8:30 am to 3 pm, departing every 15 minutes. We arrived around 1 pm. To our surprise, all tickets were sold out. We were very disappointed. Maybe next year…

Sept. 20, 2009

When we were in UP Michigan two weeks ago (or 3?), we drove by Eagle River one day (I think it was Eagle River) and spotted a little boy playing on the beach. I couldn’t take my eyes off him!

I don’t know if it was his bright shorts, or his blue hat, or his constant movement… he was absolutely adorable! He ran; he built a sand castle (some kind of structure); he kicked sand; he threw sand into the lake. He did all by himself and he had so much fun. I enjoyed watching him.

W and I talked to his dad for a while. The young man was very nice.

I guess… one stage of our life is meant for appreciating things. I appreciate beautiful images of this boy playing sand. I appreciate having a chance to meet this young man. I appreciate we were still healthy enough to take trips.

* * *

Last year, I competed at our toastmaster club’s speech contest. There were five contestants -- I wasn’t one of the top three.

I didn’t care about winning, but being one of the last two didn’t give me a comfortable feeling either. I told myself I would never compete again.

It turns out some pain is easy to forget ;-) (Aging helps, I am sure.)

Sept. 13, 2009

Last weekend, W and I drove to Michigan. We rented a cabin by Lake Superior and were going to spend some quiet time there. As soon as we got there, dropped our stuffs on the sofa, W and I started cleaning: washing dishes, wiping tables, cleaning the stove top… Five minutes later, I said to him, “Hey, we are on vacation, aren’t we? Why we are driving so far to clean someone else’s cabin?”

He threw the dirty paper towel into the waste basket, and said, “That’s right. Why do we pay them money and come to clean their cabin for them?”

We had our dinner by the lake. W started camp file after we finished dinner.

A family of 5 and two dogs camped right next to our cabin. Nice family. But what happened to the quiet time I had asked?

We stayed one night and packed our bags and left. A nice cabin is hard to find nowadays.

But I do have some nice pictures to show you ;-)

Aug. 30, 2009

When I am under stress, I usually don’t have energy to talk or write. When I’m recovering from a stressful period of time, I don’t like to talk or write either. I don’t know why…it just the way I am.

I do feel much better now ;-)

We went to Winona Country Club to golf a week ago on Saturday. It was a beautiful course. I was busy taking pictures. The golf course’s restaurant, Signature, had wonderful food. Looking out of the window, I saw a small garden, and green grasses and trees. I liked sitting inside looking out. It gave me an illusion that there were two different worlds in the universe, and then my mind started wandering around.

We read about L’Ecosse Restaurant (in south Minneapolis) on the newspaper: ex-White house chef opens a restaurant in south Minneapolis… Of course, we had to give it a try. We were there a couple of months ago. I tried their pancake – it was delicious. It actually looked and tasted more like French crepe than pancake. It was different.

David, the chef and the owner, came to talk to us. He was a wonderful person (easy to talk to!) We learned that he came from Scottish. As a matter of fact the restaurant does serve some Scottish dishes (Duh!) We promised that we would go back to try Scottish meat pie.

Well, we did yesterday!

W and I had decided to go shopping in the city. On our way there, W suddenly asked, “Should we go try that Scottish pie?”

“Sure,” I said.

Neither one of us remembered the address. We sorted remembered, but not quite. How big could south Minneapolis be? Chicago Ave. sounded familiar – was the restaurant on Chicago Ave?

Well, it turned out that it is located on Chicago, but it was after we drove up and down a couple of times that we finally found it. The Scottish pie looked very pretty. I took a picture so I could post here ;-) While I was taking a picture of my Scottish pie, the lady sitting on the next table was taking a picture of her French toast. We smiled at each other.

David, again, came to talk to us. We talked about food, wine and beer. He apparently is trying to import some Scottish beer to sell in his restaurant. We told him we definitely would like to give it a try. I will have my camera ready!

Go enjoy it! Say Hi to David for me!

Aug. 16, 2009

Lake City:


Whenever we passed Lake City, W always reminded me the time I ran away from him and drove all the way to Lake City by myself. I finally called him around midnight, and it was almost 1 am, when he arrived.

We were unbendable then.

Come to think of it... maybe we still are.

Minneapolis:


We got married at the court house in Minneapolis. Two of our friends and my brother were there. W had asked me several times if I wanted to have a nice wedding at a church, and I said no. My parents couldn’t come to our wedding. There was no reason to have a nice wedding if my parents couldn’t be there.

I never regretted for making that decision.

* * *

It’s kind of weird how I, from time to time, remember things happened in the past. What had triggered them to come back?

It doesn’t matter. I look forward to getting the next installment. Always.

Aug. 9, 2009

Stress is bad. I don’t sleep well, and I’m losing hairs. By the time I retire, I’m sure I’ll be bald.

(To prepare myself, I google “picture of bald women”. But I only find some young and beautiful ones. Does this mean I will look young and beautiful when I become bald? If so, why wait?)

* * *

Did you watch today’s 60 Minutes? It talked about this new technology that can connect your brain to a computer. One man in the show typed words by thinking each letter, and the other lady moved the cursor around, again, just by thinking of doing so. How exciting! Yet, how dangerous! Don’t we, sometime, think of things that we are not supposed to think? How about at the time when we can’t focus our thoughts? What if the computer gets a wrong message – how do you prove it?

Still, I find it very interesting.

* * *

I saw a boy fishing in Lake City. He waited and waited. For some reason, I knew he had more patience than I did.

July 25, 2009

I went to Iowa City last Sunday and came back on Tuesday—a short trip to rejuvenate my writer spirit. I had written about attending University of Iowa’s summer writing workshop before. This year, I didn’t sign up for any class. I went there to make myself feel good.

My friend S went with me. It was her first trip to Iowa City, and I had a great time showing her around. Soon after we got there, however, I realized that I could show her the place, but sharing my memories of that place and my deep feelings for it was near impossible.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to share. What would it mean to her if I told her “I can still see Tom, sitting there smirking”, or “I can still hear Jenny reading her funny poem”? What would it mean to her if I explained in detail how brilliant some of my instructors were?

We had a lot of fun chatting, shopping. Even a simple thing like eating lunch seemed more enjoyable than it would be at any other place.

Then, it happened. I missed my solitary moments. I missed sitting in the dark room by myself, doing nothing but breathing. I missed hearing my own voice telling me go get something to eat and then read one more story. I missed staring in the mirror reassuring myself that I do exist – I mean the writer part of me.

"A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; ... if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free." [Schopenhauer, "The World as Will and Idea," 1818]

I missed the feeing that I was free.

* * *

I know I haven’t blogged like I used to. Some people think only those blogs that provide readers some useful information-- like book reviews or how to find an agent… etc. -- are valuable. Since I, too, have followed some of those blogs diligently, I’m not in a position to disagree. But, I do think personal story/thought are important, too, because each of us is a piece of the puzzle of this universe.

The problem of blogging personal story/thought is that you have to get into a certain mood to write. Otherwise, nothing comes out, and you have to find so-so things to talk about, and hope your readers would forgive you. ;-)

What kind of mood? You may ask. Frankly, I would like to know the answer for that, too. Being in a talkative mood doesn’t seem enough. (I actually don’t think that helps at all.) I think, in my case, I have to be in the mood of wanting to communicate and I have to believe, at that moment, that my readers are ready to communicate to me, too.

There are people we specially enjoy talking to. I have a couple of friends like that. After talking to them, it could be as short as 30 minutes, I feel satisfied. I don’t know about you… life is wonderful if you have friends like that.

July 12, 2009

What could be more exciting than spending a night listening to four gorgeous men sing?

Our friend J is crazy about Il Divo. W and I accompanied her to an Il Divo concert last Wednesday. What a fun night! I can’t remember when the last time we went to a concert was. I don’t know why we don’t do it more often. I guess it has a lot to do with how difficult it is to get out of the parking ramp after the concert. But these 4 guys are so worth it ;-)

Recently I’ve given a lot of thoughts about the word “sweet”. To be exact, I try to come up with some required conditions in order for anyone to successfully become a sweet person. For example, a sweet person is usually not a bitter person. A sweet person is usually not an angry person… I suddenly realize that you have to be somewhat lucky in order to be sweet.

I ask my friend S if she thinks I’m a sweet person. She doesn’t answer my question right away. She washes her glasses, takes some soft drinks out of her refrigerator, she does this and that.

“Well? Would you please answer my question?” I say.

“Um…” she says. She gets a tray out and places drinks on the tray. She puts something back to the refrigerator. “Well, I would describe you this way instead...”

She is right. I’m still somewhat angry at my mom’s death. I don’t talk about it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.